For those of you that don’t know, I am recovering from a disc injury flare up that kept me in bed for a month (March 2021) and humble for many months before and after the bed rest. I am so glad that I’m reaching the end of that experience and feeling able to move freely in my body again (for the most part). I owe my recovery primarily to my family for their constant support, they comforted me with food, company, humour, and a new stuffed animal! I’ve never needed a stuffy in my life before, but the depth of my pain and helplessness reduced me to a needy child.
It was very healing for me to experience such powerlessness and it was a physical manifestation of my mental state. I hold no resentment for my injury as I see it was unavoidable and deeply transformative for me. I was breaking my own back with the weight of the responsibility and obligation I put upon my own shoulders. I felt I had no little to no freedom (and in the past I was okay with that because I felt it kept me safe). But once I decided I wanted more for myself (more joy, freedom, expansion, fulfilling work), the universe cleared the quickest path for me which just happened to require me to be incapacitated for a bit, so I could rebuild, stronger than ever.
Our lives are in constant cycles of death and rebirth, some cycles being more spectacular than others, and I am learning how to have grace through them all. I also recognize (as best as I can) the insane privilege I have to be able to move through the experiences as I have (with complete familial support). The second part of my recovery has been rediscovering hope and passion.
While I was in bed, high on pain meds that did take the edge off the pain but still kept me stuck most of the day, I came to realize there was a big part of me that did not want to get out of bed. I felt I didn’t have anything to live for at some points. It makes me emotional to even touch those memories again. I have always felt incredibly lucky to live the life I do but I realized that I was treating myself as second (or third, fourth etc) best compared to the people around me/ my obligations.
This was a wake up call to look after myself as the most valuable item I own. I only have one body, heart, mind and soul and while I think I was still doing a pretty good job, I was in complete alignment and I couldn’t find a way out myself, so the universe had to step in.
A big part of finding hope again has been my love for yoga and meditation. Through these daily practices (combined with the freedom of not working) I am learning how to live a happier life filled with joy, rather than numb to my pain and powerless to meet my true needs.
So, I am in the process of becoming a certified yoga instructor (I graduate in June a couple days before my birthday!). And I have a fire in my belly to share my love with anyone willing to spend an hour with me! I am planning some outdoor classes and zoom session are already available. I
hope to see you all soon, and thank you so much for spending your time here with me today <3
If you’d like a taste of yoga with me, I made a youtube video for you to explore!