Since losing my beloved dog, Khaleesi, just before Christmas last year (2021), I have felt the love I had and have for her all the more strongly. What a gift it was to have her in my life, and to go to work with her everyday. I always said that if she died, I would die, and it feels as though I did on some level.
The part of me that couldn’t live without her had to go, couldn’t bear the weight of the world without her. The broken part of me, that she helped to strengthen and buoy, finally stopped struggling to keep its head above water, and gracefully, peacefully, sunk to the bottom of my emotional ocean.
I still haven’t fully digested how something so full of life, so vital and so so perfect could have been taken from me, could no longer be here. I still don’t understand how her physical body, that I stroked, adored, and doted on everyday no longer exists.
It simply doesn’t make sense. I have no room for a world in which she is not with me, in which she is not whole, perfect, and untouched by suffering. And of course, I will never truly be without her, because as I said in the beginning, I continue to feel the love I have for her. That’s what she is and always has been, love.
Her physical body was just a temporary gift that I was allowed to experience, and what a gift it was. To anyone who has lost their pet or loved one in an accident, I send you my deepest condolences and love.
It is one of the hardest lessons I have learned and continue to learn from. All I can hope is that we can learn together; to be more resilient, more present, and continue to be conduits of that pure, unconditional love that pours out when we think of them, and when we cry for them.